Picture
by YamiHaruko
Summary: All that's left is a picture. He has disappeared unexpectedly, and with this photo he holds onto every bit of sanity he has to drive away the threatening loneliness that is certain to break him. Return to me soon, Soka... Read and review, lovelies!


Author's Notes: New story. I had no idea where this was going, or even what anime I was writing it for when I started this. I was in the car on the way to the extravaganza of Harry Potter 7 in Hudson when I started thinking about someone who is leaving to college much sooner than myself. And how much I'm really going to miss her. This is the product of my thoughts as I ridiculously typed them up on my phone in the Notepad tool (which, fyi, is not easy or fun, but inspiration struck and I was lacking pen and paper). Anyway then. Just review for me, yeah? I liked how this one turned out; what do you think?

(For Michelle)

Disclaimer: Uh, don't own Yami no Matseui. Yeah, bummer.

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**Picture**

_A picture says a thousand words. It is a precious moment forever frozen in time. You can cherish it, you can keep it close, __and you__ can even love it. But a picture is simply that – a picture. It cannot cherish you or want to stay close to you. The most horrible of this reality:__ a picture cannot love.__ It__ cannot__ laugh with giddiness or cheer in excitement. __It cannot mourn the loss__ of a loved one or shed t__ears when missing your beloved. It cannot whisper sweet words or return a loving smile. _

_It cannot return the emotions we feel. __The emotions that make us human._

_And yet we hold this simple piece of paper so dear to our hearts. __For what?__ To protect the memories that seem so fragile? __So we never forget days long past? __Perhaps.__ But if__ we took the time to actually look at the people and places around us, maybe that piece of __pape__r would seem like less of a necessity. __I__nstead of placing such strong feelings on this tangible object, we can che__rish those feelings with all the__ intensity in our hearts._

_And i__t is vital to distinguish reality from object. Not doing so can leave you swallowed into a false pretense. __An inescapable void that sucks away all reason and rational thought, all the beginnings of emotion__ before they have a chance at__ a__n__ ending, erasing them to oblivion. __A void of eternal sadness where one wallows in the depravity of his or her misfortunes. __His or her lost emotions.__ A void forcing someone to become so numb and distant to reality, that it simply does not exist. Just the p__hoto__ to anchor them, holding onto it with all their might. And when it finally crumbles, the entirety __of their world shatters._

_Sorrow.__ Despair. __Loneliness._

_Words we __can all relate to. Feelings we all experience. __Even behind the smiles__, human or not_.

Tsuzuki looked down at his desk. It was a mess; it always was a mess. On top of the piles of case folders, the mounds of files, the heaps of scattered paperwork, and the occasional empty wrapper of his ever-changing favorite sweet, lay a picture of an angel. This angel was of beautiful purity. Ash blonde hair as soft as silk, milky skin as smooth as marble and as gentle as the velvet of a butterfly's wing. Alluring gems sparkled like emerald stardust. The eyes were cold, distant, and stubborn but shone with a luster that challenged the sun itself. His cheeks were rosy, red with embarrassment (Tsuzuki was sure he could still feel the heat emitting off them from the picture) and likened to the horizon of the setting sun behind him. A beautiful angel.

A ghost of a smile swept across lips of death, tears streaming down the strong frame of his face. Bittersweet. It was the only word he could think of to define this feeling. No one else from either world could ever make him so happy and so sad just at a glance. Yes, bittersweet was a perfect word.

His angel disappeared one day without notice. No note, no warning. No Goodbye. He seemed to have vanished as if he were never really there at all. The only proof of his existence lay before the older shinigami. The stray photo Tsuzuki had taken when they traveled to Osaka last autumn. His angel had got so mad when his partner took the picture without his permission, he didn't allow him any treats for the rest of the evening, a sure definition of Hell for the sweet-toothed guardian.

A year it's been, he thought. Or about so. Time seemed to drag on so slowly. He had forgotten before and never cared enough afterward to keep track. It must be about December now up on Earth, though it was so hard to tell in purgatory, seeing as how the Mefeiu doesn't change seasons. Tsuzuki found winter to be a lovely season of desperate loneliness. When all life disappears as offensive white blankets cover the ground. Even the word seems lonely. It must be sad to be winter.

Right after Hisoka's disappearance, Tsuzuki plunged into a deep depression. His smile was almost forgotten by his colleagues, as well as his face. He would lock himself in his apartment for days, weeks without contact, shutting out the world until it forcefully pushed itself back on him. He neglected his work, his companions, only able to sustain his life with the hope of his angel's return.

And the picture. That precious picture that he held onto so fervently. It was a lifeline. Hisoka begged the man to exist for him, and Tsuzuki intended on keeping that promise, even if it meant waiting forever for the return of his partner. His compassion, his protection, his soul, everything was directed to the photo. To Hisoka. Tsuzuki didn't need a picture to remember the boy by. He had long since memorized every detail of his younger partner, and there was absolutely no way he could ever forget him after the angel unknowingly changed the man's life so drastically.

Glistening-wet amethyst eyes gazed with longing and love at the picture. The tears had slowed, but still fell silently down his face as they had so many times since the first day Hisoka's desk was empty. To exist for another, to put their needs before your own. To crave their attention and their touch. To have unyielding patience and compassion no matter the situation. To hold onto them as they hold onto you. Never an inconvenience, always a pleasure. To love undyingly. Emotions that are overwhelming and confusing, but always true.

Until Hisoka's return, Tsuzuki will hold onto that picture with everything he is and everything he feels. Otherwise, the loneliness would kill him. Shatter him into thousands of pieces, and even then, he would still love with all the broken edges. He just misses him so much.

_Return to me soon, __Soka__…_

There is nothing definite in life. The future does not exist. So remember the past, and cherish the present. You never know when what you hold most dear to your heart will fade away forever.


End file.
